Card Readings Are Not My Thing

When I was younger, I had both Tarot cards and an I Ching set. In my early twenties, I used them quite often.

At some point, I realized that, for me, card readings were a form of self pacification that reinforced my learned helplessness. So, I stopped.

I had an abusive childhood. I married at a young age as my only means to escape an impossible situation. He joined the Army and I left my home town to follow his career. It got me away from home, which I wanted, but it also thrust me into an alien landscape. The entire fabric of my life was gone and I was very disoriented.

I ended up unexpectedly pregnant about three months after we arrived at our first duty station. Two weeks after I found out I was ten weeks pregnant, we got orders for Germany. We didn't leave until after the baby was born, but I found myself a new mom on another continent at age 22 and my life was simply upended.

So, I very often felt overwhelmed and like my life was spinning out of control. When I felt hopeless and helpless and was grasping at straws to try to hold it all together, I would do card readings. I was looking for a sign that somehow things would be okay.

One day, not long after arriving in Germany, I decided that doing card readings was really soul sucking. It amounted to wallowing in my own sense of helplessness. It meant I was doing nothing to actually fix my problems. Instead, I was sitting there begging the universe to give me a sign.

I decided that my time would be better spent doing something to solve my problems. I checked a stack of books out of the library. One was about effective planning. I believe one was "The seven habits of highly effective people." There were multiple others, all about practical subjects, though I no longer remember the specific titles or subjects. I went on to read a lot of books about women's rights and women's issues, among other things.

After that, instead of wallowing in despair and doing card readings that just magnified my sense of desperation, I occupied my mind by reading and learning. That simply felt better. It also gave me new skills and my life slowly got better.

To this day, I still read astrological predictions when I am in a funk and feeling desperate. On the one hand, it is a harmless means to occupy myself when I am in a funk. On the other hand, for me, it is more constructive than card readings because it is more akin to checking the weather to see when the storm is supposed to lift.

Perhaps card readings are more constructive for other people. For me, it was a form of emotional masturbation. Over time, it became a darker and darker experience until I decided it was an unhealthy waste of my very limited time.

So, I stopped and spent that time another way. With that one decision, my slide into depression and helplessness stopped. My life has been better ever since.

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