Showing posts from 2017

This Weekend

From Austin Coppock:
Sun Conjunct Mercury: Beneath the Tree

Saturday the 26th is host to the conjunction of retrograde Mercury and the Sun at 3 Virgo. This conjunction marks the mid-point of Mercury’s retrograde motion, and is more specifically called the “inferior” conjunction, because it sees Mercury between the Sun and the Earth. This point is an exception to the difficult conditions which Mercury retrogrades portend, as planets attain a fleeting potency when placed in such a tight line with both the Sun and Earth. In Mercury’s case, the inferior conjunction is thought to offer unusual insight into the retrograde transitions taking place. As Mercury and the Sun meet to inspect the roots of the tree and query the quality of the fruit, take some time out of your day to walk with them, and consider the state of your garden.

Jupiter Sextile Saturn: Yes and No

Sunday the 27th is the site of the long-delayed sextile between Jupiter in Libra and Saturn in Sagittarius. Though not outr…

Earth to Major Tom

So, some time in the last couple of days, I had the brilliant idea to start a stub called Earth to Major Tom. It was just a title, that was it. I decided to search my posts because I wasn't sure if I had written about the Earth before. And I find that I have a stub, with writing and everything, made on May 2nd with the exact same fucking title. And here it is, with only minor edits to fix typos, include entire words that were previously omitted and similar:

Many, many years ago -- when the world was young and so was I -- I read an astrology book that posited that we should include the position of the Earth in astrological charts. The theory boiled down to:

We should place the Earth opposite the Sun (180 degrees away).This way, when we have colonies on Mars, we will already be including the Earth in our charts.

Okay, okay, I can see the appeal of some of this logic. But, hello! Earth to sophomoric astrologers! We already account for the placement of the Earth in an astrological c…

The Coming Solar Eclipse

August 21st will have a total solar eclipse at 28 degrees of Leo. It will visible across the U.S. and has been in the news a lot as an event of astronomical interest.

Austin Coppock says: This eclipse, in particular, suggests significant shifts of identity. This resonates with me, even though I have nothing in Leo in my natal chart. I do have the Moon at 6 degrees Virgo in my natal chart. Yesterday, I wrote a piece called In Transition on my personal blog. Today, on the same blog, I noted that for the first time I was briefly on the leaderboard of Hacker News today.

I am probably weeks away from having any hope of being on the leaderboard more often than not. This blip lasted a few minutes.

For various reasons, I am tremendously exhausted this week. I did no paid work yesterday and, so far today, I am also failing to do paid work. I find this frustrating.

But, my life is changing in important ways. So, I am trying to stay focused on having the right priorities and doing the …

Retrospective: August 5, 2017

So, Austin Coppock doesn't really say anything about the fifth. I had to go find something elsewhere. Cafe Astrology says: Venus 2 Pisces 05 semi-square Pluto 17 Capricorn It also indicates that Venus was quintile Saturn on the following day, but gives no degrees or signs for that. These are both stressful aspects.

My Saturday started off with us having words with some guy who was being incredibly rudely all up in our space. After he left and we talked over, we concluded that the guy was probably a thief and we probably prevented him from pick-pocketing us by calling him out on his rude behavior, basically.

It was a stressful incident and our discussion of the incident went on for some time. Then, we bought a new tablet on our way to the hotel. The tablet was defective and we had to exchange it the next day. Saturday was just kind of a pill.

With going to a hotel and getting a tablet, money is tight this week. I have been working hard to try to come up with enough mo…

My New "Baby"

So, I started a new project today, August 4, 2017. I created a website and the first test post has the time stamp of 11:14 a.m. Pacific Time. This baby was born in Central California.

As I write this post about it on my astrology site, there is currently only an About page and a Test post. But, I wanted to record the basic info here and it will be kind of an experiment in terms of seeing what the chart says and how the project works out.

I did up a free natal chart. Here are some of the basics:

Rising Sign is in 14 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you.

Sun is in 12 Degrees Leo.
More than a bit of a showoff, you love to be the center of attention! But others do not usually mind because they tend to enjoy your genuine warmth and affection.

Moon is in 08 Degrees Capricorn.
You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional rea…

Luna Eclipse August 7th

Austin Coppock's latest entry is more lyrical and lighter on real substance than usual: the Lunar on August 7th With a little digging, I was able to learn that The lunar eclipse on Monday August 7, 2017 is at 15° Aquarius. I don't have anything in my natal chart in Aquarius nor at 15 degrees specifically in any sign. If you have anything in any sign at exactly 15 degrees, this will make some kind of an angle to it.

My Sun is at around 16 degrees of Gemini and both Aquarius and Gemini are air signs. That is a degree or so off of exact and it would a Trine. So, this might activate my Sun in some fashion.

I am actually really terrible at predictive astrology. I only look this shit up and blog about it in hopes of getting a fucking clue.

But, eclipses tend to be a bigger deal than most full moons and new moons. They always occur in pairs -- one lunar and one solar ...well, except for the occasional situation where you get three together, IIRC and similar qualifiers. The…

Pluto Generations

Someone has asked me to look at the future in fairly broad terms -- you know, for the world or something -- instead of my usual navel-gazing at me, me, me and my life. Why on earth anyone would care what I think I have just no clue, but, hey, it's a thing to do when I am not busy with whatever it is that usually takes up so much of my time.

So, this is kind of a first stab at looking into that. It isn't anything I have thought too much about previously. I have been too overwhelmed just trying to get my act together to worry too much about life, the universe and everything.

If you are going to look more broadly without starting with, say, the natal horoscope of a specific country, the place to look is that heavenly body formerly known as a planet called Pluto. The reason to look there is because it spends literally years in each sign. It spends more years in some signs than others, but it moves real slow.

So it is a generational (heavenly body formerly known as a) planet. …

Sun Conjunct Mars

Okay, so, fine, maybe I had that backwards in my last post. What the hell do you want from a grumpy, chronically ill, desperately poor homeless person?

I was having my anxiety attack and getting nothing done around the time of the square. As we moved towards the Mercury-Uranus Trine, I began doing paid writing (Mercury) on the internet (Uranus). This went well both Monday evening and basically all day Tuesday. Thanks to that fact, I get to like eat and everything this weekend.

For today, Austin Coppock says: On July 26th (7/26 5:56 PM PDT) the Sun and Mars finally conjoin at 4 Leo. And then it goes on for many lyrical paragraphs about warrior like virtues and blah blah blah. My eyes were glazing over and I stopped reading.

For me, what I get out of that is that I'm tired due to fever. Mars rules muscles and stress on the planet is often involved in exhaustion. In fact, I have some Mars-Saturn-Pluto involvement in my natal chart that described the tendency for most of my…

An Opposition and a Trine

I hate my life, I hate it so fucking much. I don't want to do this anymore. God, why can't I just die?

That there is basically my internal mantra. I have no fucking clue why people see me as positive and upbeat. My internal monologue is not all happy, shiny.

According to Austin Coppock: On the 24th Venus opposes Saturn (7/24 7:53 AM PDT) while Mercury trines Uranus (7/24 9:32 AM PDT). That's today and I feel awful and I am getting a whole lot of nothing done -- I mean, unless you count wallowing in self pity. If we are going to count that, hey, I am getting tons of stuff done.

But I don't count that. It doesn't pay the bills.

I am having a seriously shitty day. I don't have enough money to make it through the week and I am not getting enough paid work done for that to somehow work out. I am also having terrible anxiety, which I am confident is really a somatopsychic thing. In other words, it is a physical symptom with psychological side effects. My hear…

Sun Square Uranus

According to Austin Coppock, the Sun apparently will Square Uranus this evening at: 7/20 5:25 PM PDT So, perhaps for once, the stars agree with my unhappy opinion of my crappy life. Squares are supposed to be a bad thing and I am not having a ton of fun today.

I am having a minor heart attack due to checking bank balances and what not. I just got a pay day loan on Monday and we have blown through a shocking amount of money in under 4 days.

I never get to have any fun. Shit.

And by "fun" I mean I never get to have a break from the constant financial stress.

My ex liked running up the credit cards. To him, a pay raise meant "Wheee! I can afford to service a higher debt load!" I fucking hated that so fucking much.

I thought I could put that behind me with divorcing him. But medical stuff, etc, ended up running up debts. I have been paying them down while homeless.

Still, it seems to never be enough to get me any kind of goddamn security or breathing room…

Venus Trine Jupiter

According to traditional astrology, Saturday was supposed to be all kinds of awesome sauce due to a trine. Big fat nope. It had its bright spots, but it certainly didn't involve a deluge of money like I was hoping for, goddamnit.

According to Austin Coppock: Tuesday the 18th sees Venus in Gemini complete a trine with Jupiter in Libra The site goes on to call it a happy angle between the two benefics Today is more pleasant so far than the last few days. This is partly because I sent my son to go buy us a change of clothes. Changing our clothes was drama that happened yesterday evening around the time of a square. Note, traditional astrology routinely vilifies squares as bad influences. They do tend to be high drama. This is not always a bad thing.

So I feel cleaner, and this is awesome, but I am short of sleep and, no, I have no yet been hit by a money truck. goddamnit.

Hey, universe! Where is my fucking money?

I want a goddamn house, so I need funds for, like, down…

Happy, Fun Times

The title is sarcasm, in case you can't tell.

Both Austin Coppock and Astrology Zone suggest that there is a positive aspect tomorrow that should already be influencing our lives. From Austin Coppock: The first happy aspect ... is Mercury in Leo’s sextile with Jupiter in Libra... on July 14th On the 11th, I hoped this aspect on the 14th would bring really good news because I got a small windfall of money that day, just in time to put off getting a pay day loan this week. But today the laptop has gotten irrevocably screwed up and will be going into a dumpster. My sons backed up a few files with a borrowed USB drive and are making plans to dispose of it as I type this.

On the upside, I would be far more stressed out by the laptop dying if we had already had to take a pay day loan this week. I may still need a pay day loan to get through the month, but I at least got this bad news after a smidgeon of good news.

On the downside, this will likely leave us all sick and I already…

Mercury Enters Leo

According to Austin Coppock, Mercury entered Leo yesterday evening, leaving behind Cancer. This is going to generally be a more comfortable position for Mercury and possibly for me.

I have one planet in Cancer. My Venus sits at one degree of Cancer. The strongest aspect to it is a Quintile from the Uranus-Pluto near midpoint in Virgo. Those two planets form a loose conjunction, only about three degrees apart. So it is a fairly strong aspect. The two planets basically work almost as one body, amplifying each other's energies and the aspect is pretty close to exact.

Quintiles are creative aspects, but they also are stress aspects. Septiles are creative, but much gentler. I have one of each in my chart.

Among other things, this quintile describes the sexual violence in my childhood. It is not a happy, fun experience.

My ex husband's Sun was conjunct my Venus. I don't regret the marriage and he kept me alive when, by all rights, I should have died, but it was always a dif…

July 3rd

So, I finally see an update for the whole month of July on Austin Coppock. It is actually dated June 30th, but I did not previously notice it. I am not clear if it is me or them.

I am still seeing nothing said about July third in specific, which is a bit worrisome. I need today to be eventful in a good way and I am very worried it won't be.

I finally heard from my ex. Long story short, my alimony should be hitting my bank account via electronic transfer instead of my son's bank account via cash deposit. So, maybe I will see it as early as today and maybe I won't see it until after the damn fourth of July banking holiday. AUUUGHHHH.

SOOOO. As I was writing this, I got another update from the ex. NO, the electronic transfer did not go through and he has deposited cash today to our son's account.

And the reason it did not go through? He is trying to deposit it to a bank I have not had an account with for over 2.5 years.

And this is why I handled the money when I …

Mars Opposite Pluto

For July 2nd, Austin Coppock has a section titled: Mars Opposite Pluto: Learning To Lose It then goes on to talk about Pluto as a symbol of death, which it is. But, wow, was this like a depressing fucking thing to read.

Pluto is also a symbol of rebirth. It is the Phoenix that dies in flames, only to be reborn again.

I still cannot get hold of my ex. I still don't have my alimony. And most of the world is happy to suggest that I am merely crazy and don't need practical help. Because talking to a psychologist when I can't afford to eat -- sure, that's such a great suggestion.

So, reading depressing astrological crap is not really helpful. It just makes me feel more hopeless.

I have taken what measures I can to contact the ex through the grapevine. It's not much, but it's something. It at least makes me feel less like a victim who can't do anything at all about the situation.

I at least need news concerning what the fuck is going on. Even if I…

July 1st, 2017 is starting out pretty crappily

So, I apparently blew through an excess of money the last two days. I got my paycheck and made a payment on my credit card to cover all that. Except it doesn't actually cover all that. It covers most of it.

And I don't have my alimony yet, though my ex said he would deposit it to our son's account in cash on the first and he is in Texas which is like 2 hours later than here or something. So, I am broke and my credit card is overdrawn. Fun.

Neither Austin Coppock nor Astrology Zone have July forecasts up yet. So I can't go conveniently checking the influences for today on those sites. I suppose I could go look for some other astrology site. Whatever.

My day is not starting out well. I am NOT a happy camper here.

Silver lining: A piece I submitted to Hacker News last night did a lot better than my submissions usually do. It is above 200 points currently. Also, some guy in some foreign country finds me very inspiring and would like to give me money -- if I can hel…

Jupiter in Second House -- Event Chart

So I started a SUPER SECRET new project at 11:13 a.m. on 06/23/17 Pacific Daylight Time. Just now, I whipped up a free event chart for it on some website and Jupiter is in the Second House of earned income.

My hunch was this would generally be a good omen, but I googled anyway. I found this: With Jupiter in 2nd house, you are someone born with a silver spoon. So, obviously, if I can just figure out how to develop the project, I shall get rich!!!! Duh!!!

Naturally, my SUPER SECRET project has basically languished ever since. But I am happy to see it has good omens, since my life remains in the toilet where it has been low these many years.

Now, I have an all new thing to fantasize about, instead of my usual stupid, pointless, never works escapist fantasies. I just need to figure out how to actually work on the damn thing.

NO FUCKING CLUE where to start.

Getting rich: Hard.
Escapist fantasies: Less than a dime a dozen.

Muddy Waters

So, today is the day of that that conjunction I wrote about yesterday. Austin Coppock says the following about it: While Mercury’s conjunction with the Sun on the 21st serves to clean the waters of the mind, the conjunction with Mars on the 28th points toward all the pollutants ready to dirty them again. I started the day with $7.61 in resources and some snacks. We used part of that money to buy three 2-liter diet cokes and we did snacks and drinks.

In the evening, with the last $1.89 in available credit on my credit card, my oldest son went to get us one more 2-liter soda. Unfortunately, he is terrible with numbers and ended up spending $1.91.

So, I am concerned that the monies I am expecting on Saturday will be too late and I will end up with an overdraft charge due to my son spending 2 cents too much.

I told him don't worry about it. With my student loan paid off, I should be getting more alimony than usual on Saturday and I also have what is, for me, a decent paycheck…

Mercury Conjunct Mars

According to Austin Coppock: Mercury and Mars make their way to a conjunction in the middle of Cancer on the 28th, opposite Pluto and square Jupiter. Well, I have about $8 as I begin writing this, and that will need to cover snacks and drinks for tonight. I am basically broke starting tomorrow.

We plan on fasting tomorrow and "kiting" the credit card on Thursday and Friday. I should have money on Saturday and it seems to take about 3 days for charges to clear. So far, this method has not yet burned me on overdraft charges or anything.

But I find it insanely stressful to do that. I hope this is the last time we do this. With my student loan paid off and other positive factors, I hope this is the last month that is so crazy stressful like this.

On the upside, this month was less stressful than the previous two months. Those two months were just heart attack levels of Oh. My. God. How in the hell are we going to eat for the rest of the month????!!!!

I am tired and fever…

Slow Mode

I am not actually seeing anything on Austin Coppock listed for today's date. But, wow, the internet is really slow today and I am having a lot of trouble getting anything accomplished at all.

Well, Austin Coppock does say this: The last week of the June holds a potentially difficult set of configurations. Mercury and Mars conjoin in Cancer, opposite Pluto in Capricorn. Technically, that would start tomorrow. But, what the hell, let's be generous and assume this is the reason my day is going so poorly.

Money looks grim. I don't know how I will eat tomorrow or for half or more of next week. My attempts to do research and find some quick housing answer so I can get off the street rapidly are hitting a wall. Nothing good is happening today. It sucks.

Paid work is not happening and I hate my fucking life. I just hate it.

The Sun and Mercury Enter Cancer

From Austin Coppock: Mercury enters Cancer only hours after the Sun (6/21 2:57 AM PST.) So, I guess they would both be conjunct my Venus today. Hmmmm. Weird.

I don't really know what to make of that. I am just trying to inject a little more astrology into this site, to go with all the bitching I do here.

So, we randomly have a few "extra" bucks today. My first thought was "Yay! Food security through Friday! Then I get my paycheck Saturday!"

Sadly, no, this is not how it will go. I desperately need a change of clothes and other REASONS, some portion of that money has already been blown on non-food items.

As my son noted, I am getting half my wish. I keep saying I desperately want a shower and a change of clothes. No shower, but I got a change of clothes.

Past experience suggests this will likely make me feel somewhat less like I desperately need a shower, at least for a bit. But it is horribly hot right now and, ugh, I smell and everything. I am home…

Uranus is a Butt

It is the actual day of those surprise Uranian influences. Here is my day so far:

Because of someone saying something nice about me on a forum and someone then posting a link to my Patreon in reply to that, I have 5 new patrons in the last 24 hours. Cool.

This makes me realize I actually have $2.85 accumulated in my Patreon account due to the sole $1 pledge I have had for the previous three months. But I never set up a way to get my money because it was only a dollar.

So, I go to set that up and the public computers at the library don't play well with Patreon. In a nutshell, I try on several public computers before finally doing this on the laptop. But now there is a 5 day hold on my Patreon account because I updated my payment info and I can't request my money until June 25th.

So, then we go do snacks and drinks and I have my son spritz me with peroxide because I think I have been exposed to second hand marijuana from moving around to different computers trying to find…

Well, Tomorrow Needs to be REALLY Good. Geez.

Tomorrow is the 20th. The Uranian surprise factor for that date that I wrote of yesterday needs to be very nice because I am failing to get much work done today.

My arms are covered in multiple bug bites, and I am running quite the fever. The bug bites are likely a contributing factor to the raging fever. Some of them are a sort I have had before and also ran a terrible fever then. There seems to be some practically microscopic grey bug that leaves horrible pustules when they bite me and these linger for days.

So, while I have done some paid work, it is not anywhere near as much as I had hoped to do today. Today is the last day I can do work and feel somewhat confident that it will pay out this week instead of next. Thus, failing to do much work is frustrating the hell out of me. I came here to bitch in hopes that it is more constructive than my other options seem to be.

I feel gross. The weather is hotter than hell and I want a shower and change of clothes. I hate this shit…

Surprise, Surprise

According to Austin Coppock:
Shortly after the Sun and Mercury’s respective oppositions with Saturn, the pair both go on to sextile lively Uranus, offering a modicum of energy and insight. The Sun is first, lacing a bit of Uranian lightning into the Solar fire on the 18th (6/18 11:46 AM), with Mercury sextiling Uranus shortly thereafter (6/20 2:30 AM).
Uranus is the planet of surprises. You can expect the unexpected when Uranus gets involved.

I tend to hate surprises. From what I gather, handicapped people tend to not like surprises. When your ability to cope with sudden, unexpected change is impaired, it tends to feel very threatening and problematic.

But I have had a small pleasant surprise today: I managed to do a little more paid work than I expected.

This doesn't save my ass, but it does help reduce the amount of stress I am facing and it makes me hopeful that things will somehow work out. So, I am hoping that the planet of surprise brings me more unexpected good news th…

Mercury Opposes Saturn (Tomorrow)

According to Austin Coppock: Lagging behind the Sun, Mercury opposes Saturn a few days later (6/18 12:06 PM PST). So, you can probably loosely interpret that to mean 'bad news coming to light' and transits typically are considered to be something like plus or minus three days. So let's say that includes today.

I have just learned we have blown through more money than I thought we had. I am not sure how we are going to make it through this coming week and then there are at least 8 more days after that before I get alimony again. I am pretty upset about it. But I am also feverish and not clear-minded.

I might be okay this week if certain monies due me show up in a timely fashion. But that still means I need to somehow cover expenses for the week after that.

I spent a few minutes feeling like "Shit! Why do I bother? Why don't I go throw myself into the still swollen river? Fuck."

But we did snacks and drinks to try get my fever down and I had a little …

Neptune Retrogrades on the 16th

According to Austin Coppock: While Mercury and the Sun oppose Saturn, Neptune drifts into reverse (6/16 4:10 AM). The distant blue planet’s annual retrograde phase begins at 14’ Pisces... I am so freaking tired and this has been the weirdest freaking couple of days. I have been doing some work and...a reporter emailed me with a question. I replied fairly promptly, in under 20 minutes iirc, and I have not heard back. I was interviewed twice by different reporters for reasons related to this inquiry and neither interview seems to have ever been published or resulted in any kind of media attention for my work.

It would be nice if I could get media attention and maybe have something go viral. I would love to have money flood in all of a sudden. Enough of a sudden influx of money due to my work would give me just about everything I want in life -- other than a boyfriend, I guess, and that would probably be a trivially easily solved problem if I were well and off the street.

I have n…

Last Night and This Morning

So here is an update on stuff that went down yesterday evening around the time of the square.

After feeling physically terrible all day, by evening I was suicidal. I had my sons walk me most of the way to Panda Express. After eating there, I felt vastly better. I also grabbed a mocha frap from Starbuck's.

So, I felt that was some positive effect from the square. But it didn't fully resolve without some minor stress.

I had intestinal drama at the Panda Express, some asshole who thinks they own the dead end road they were apparently lost on was taking their frustration out on me by honking at me for walking where LOTS of people walk but bozo apparently doesn't know this because he/she is lost (I cussed at them for the first honk and flicked them off for the second -- years of homelessness has not improved my manners one bit, I tell you), and then I nearly stepped on a snake on my way home. I have not previously seen a snake in this area.

According to Austin Coppock

It is actually June 13th. Ugh.

So the trine was not the happy fun times I had hoped for. I went and got a pay day loan because I was even more broke than I thought. I didn't even have enough money to cover lunch.

On the upside, it made it convenient to go to the McDonald's. That allowed me to get two apple pies, which helped reduce my pain.

No, I won't explain further. Sheesh. I have an entire separate blog for that.

My point is just the need for a pay day loan had a silver lining. That's all.

I am hoping the square later today treats me better than the trine. I still feel awful and ...ugh. Just, Ugh.

Trying to be Hopeful About June 13th

According to Austin Coppock:
Mercury makes an odd pair of aspects on the 13th. The first of these is a very pleasant trine with newly-direct Jupiter in Libra (6/13 8:44 AM PST), which by itself would augur happy thoughts, glad tidings and lofty perspectives. Yet nearly simultaneously, the messenger makes a square to Neptune in Pisces (6/13 8:28 PM), confusing facts and fictions, data and dreams. This blend of the optimistic and the imaginative which Jupiter and Neptune offer are activated not only by Mercury on the 13th, but also by the Moon at several other points during the month.
I am on track to need a pay day loan tomorrow, which is June 13th. I am not happy about it, though I am glad I managed to get this far without needing one. I thought I would need one last week, which would have been really terrible.

I am not doing enough work. I am incredibly tired.

I am so fucking tired of the financial piece of my life being so goddamn frustrating.

So, Mercury is a big influence in…

Attempting to Return to the Grind

I am not seeing anything on Austin Coppock for today June 5th. My oldest son and I got our IDs renewed today. Now we get to wait for them to arrive in the mail. It took about three hours of our time.

For essentially the first time in years, the little details were just little details. I didn't think beforehand that they might not take a credit card, yet I still had enough funds to cover the expense another way. I didn't think beforehand that I would need my son's social security number. I was able to return to the hotel room while my son kept our place, get the number and go back in order to finish the paperwork.

I actually failed to completely fill out the paperwork and I found one blank after I got back, my son found another oversight and the guy at the DMV found yet more blanks. It ended up not being a serious problem.

We really blew through more money than I expected to. I am nearly broke and may need a pay day loan as early as Wednesday, but now that renewing o…

June 4th

So, according to Austin Coppock, Mars entered Cancer today. I don't know what the fuck to think.

I am in a hotel tonight and tomorrow. I have showered and I have clean clothes. We all three got cheap haircuts today, but I am blowing through more money than I thought we would. Tomorrow, me and my oldest son will arrange to renew our ID -- and just in time, because both of our IDs expire this week. Sigh.

Then, I guess we return to our usual grind of scrambling to figure out how to survive the month. I am so fucking tired of this shit.

We are in the dive hotel, a different room than we have been in before. The faucet is damaged, but it has a better TV than usual. This is good because the tablet cannot get online. This is perhaps for the best. It means there is zero means for me publish the poison pen piece I wrote yesterday. Perhaps I will edit it or perhaps I will stop feeling it by the time I get back online.

I had hoped to work today and tomorrow, but this seems unlikely w…

June Second

Astrology Zone said something about the 2nd and 3rd of June being awesome. The third is supposed to be better than the second.I have money today. I made a reservation for a hotel for Sunday night. I will soon get the shower and change of clothes I so desperately want. But it will involve blowing through some dough. It isn't like I have won the lottery or something. I am sort of disappointed with today. I did get my alimony, which I was concerned would not hit until Monday. But it wasn't for more money like I thought it would be. I emailed the ex to find out what's up with that.Supposedly, this month is the last payment on my student loan. My alimony gets basically garnished or that. It gets paid before I see a dime. So, with a partial final payment due this month, that should involve the direct deposit to my account going up.Anyway, yes, some good things happened today. But it wasn't anywhere near as wonderful as I was hoping.I am kind of crabby about that.

Venus Trine Saturn

From Austin Coppock: Just before conjoining Uranus, Venus nearly trines Saturn (6/1 8:22 AM PST) and reactivates the trine between the two, which colored much of May’s astrology. Saturn gets maligned far too much. It is a responsible, hard working planet. I am so glad for this involvement today. Today is a good day, so far.

I have the money that was promised to me. It was in my Pay Pal account when I logged in this morning. The person who promised it to me repeatedly wrote me to say it was still showing as a pending transaction on their end. Because of their incredibly considerate behavior, I did go ahead and get food yesterday.

I did try to graciously thank them this morning. It didn't feel to me like it was really gracious enough, but I didn't know how else to make it clear how much I appreciate not only their generosity, but also their consideration in keeping me updated. Had they not, I would not have felt confident that I was really going to get the money and I lik…

Mars Enters Cancer

So, I am still accomplishing zilch for the day and still reading astrological crap to pass the time and avoid actually going postal. And Austin Coppock says Mars is leaving Gemini and entering Cancer on June 4th. He links to his writing about what it means for Mars to be in Cancer, supposedly its weakest position.

Cancer is supposedly a weak sign for Mars. It is the "fall" for Mars. This is an aspect of astrology I don't know much about, but I find what I am reading laughable so far:
What is the conflict between the nature of Mars and the circumstance that Cancer represents? Mars’ nature brings about and resolves conflict. He symbolizes the necessary desire of every individual to burst their confines and establish themselves as independent, reliant only upon their own will. This desire to burst forth from behind confines has its primordial beginning with the desire to escape the womb and extends to rarefied spiritual peaks, with the desire to escape the confines of…


I have been repeatedly assured money is coming, but it is not here yet. I have overdrawn my account to feed us today, expecting to get the money today. The latest message is "hopefully tomorrow." And I am worried I will be incurring overdraft charges, which I can't afford, but I don't know what else I could have done.

It is the last day of the month and Astrology Zone does not post new updates until the first or later of the new month. But, I am in luck. Austin Coppock posts them the last day of the previous month. So I can actually read some stuff and try to convince myself that my life isn't coming completely unraveled and imploding at this very minute. June's forecast starts thusly:
June begins with a series of broadly fortunate changes. Venus and Mercury both return home to signs they rule, and the greater benefic, Jupiter, stations direct. The winds here are strong, but favorable.
Oh, goodie. Some good astrological news to latch onto like an opiate…

Memorial Day

I will be offline tomorrow due to it being Memorial Day. The library will be closed and I will be broke and I don't have any Starbuck's cards or whatever, so I won't be able to go get online at Starbuck's (at least, as things stand currently).

We will be very light rationed tomorrow, which is partly due to lack of funds, partly by choice. I have a small amount of money coming that should hit my bank account Tuesday. That will let us eat Tuesday.

Someone has offered to give me a few bucks. If that comes through, I will probably be okay this week.

Perhaps that will turn out to be the positive opposing force I need. Though I don't yet have the money, the offer is helping me not freak the fuck out today. Yesterday, I realized that the third is a Saturday, which might delay my alimony until the fifth. So I was freaking out after I realized that. That could potentially add three more days to my NOT HAVING MONEY stretch.

But I have done enough work that I will pro…

Let's Try This One More Time, But With Some Astrology

Yesterday's post started with this: According to the Aries forecast for May on Astrology Zone: Mars, your ruler, will make another supportive aspect on May 30, when Mars reaches out in a friendly way to surprise-a-minute Uranus.Austin Coppock gives a little more detail:
Mars will make an empowering, if somewhat volatile sextile to Uranus, but will oppose Saturn, a much more difficult arrangement. Mars and Saturn are perfectly opposed early on the 29th, but their angle will be felt for several days on each side of this date, particularly on the 26th. The post then kind of went off the rails as I began ranting like a lunatic cuz REASONS, what with my life being insanely stressful. The real reason I was looking at the above is because, yeah, my life is in the damn toilet right now and I am on track to starve for about 6 days, starting Saturday. So I am hoping for a hint of what is coming that might imply "No, you don't necessarily have to starve." Because I would …

Mars Sextile Uranus, Opposite Saturn

According to the Aries forecast for May on Astrology Zone: Mars, your ruler, will make another supportive aspect on May 30, when Mars reaches out in a friendly way to surprise-a-minute Uranus.Austin Coppock gives a little more detail:
Mars will make an empowering, if somewhat volatile sextile to Uranus, but will oppose Saturn, a much more difficult arrangement. Mars and Saturn are perfectly opposed early on the 29th, but their angle will be felt for several days on each side of this date, particularly on the 26th.
I am basically grasping at straws. I essentially need a fucking miracle. I am all out of ability to pull miracles out my ass. Even if I manage to do substantial paid work this week, the holiday on Monday will delay my paycheck.

So, I am basically screwed for this weekend, no matter what I fucking do. And I am so fucking sick of living this way, where pulling one miracle out my ass after another is never enough and the universe won't cut me ANY goddamn slack at all.