Aries Rising, Venus in Cancer

I have an Aries Rising Sign. That is the only fire in my entire natal chart. The rest is air (Gemini), earth (Virgo) or water (one planet each in all three water signs).

Among other things, your Rising Sign describes your public image. I have a long history of being seen as bad tempered and fighty. This is absolutely not intentional.

In fact, I have gone to a lot of trouble to try to shut down the patterns of interaction that wind up making me look like such a fighty asshole. I can't control everything other people do, but I can be aware they are likely to do X and try to account for that and yadda.

Another expression of Aries Rising is to be inspiring instead of being fighty. So, I try to shoot for that instead.

Unfortunately, that often gets me accused of being an egomaniacal, narcissistic jerk. My best guess is that women are simply not allowed to know they are competent at anything. We are all supposed to be hopeless, helpless little waifs in need of rescue. I should not look at my boatload of academic awards and personal accomplishments and conclude that I am pretty darn good at some specific things, nooooo.

Sort of humorously, one of the things that happens is that men in online forums seem to conclude I am some Dominatrix who runs around covered from head to toe in black leather with a cat-o-nine-tails hanging out my back pocket just in case I happen to trip across a man I would like to turn into my bitch. Worse, some of these men would like to be my bitch.

Yikes.

That isn't me at all. People who get to know my public personae online first and then talk with me privately are often shocked at the difference. And I pity the fool who met me in a public forum, concluded my larger than life public personae was The Real Me and now wants to get next me.

Well, truthfully, I generally pity any fool that wants to get next to me for a LOT of reasons. But, I am trying to limit the scope of this bitch session to two specific things.

See, among other things, I have Venus at one degree of Cancer. Cancer is the sign of the crab. Let's take a minute to talk about actual, real life, flesh and blood crabs and their mating habits.

A female crab needs to shed her shell in order to mate and reproduce. At that point, she is incredibly vulnerable to predation. She is literally defenseless.

Typically, the male crab then needs to protect her until her shell grows back. If the male crab decides "Meh, I got what I wanted." and leaves her before she is safe and securely with shell again, she will promptly go find another male to mate with in order to try to garner the protection she needs for her very survival.

Yeah, so, should you manage to get me to drop my armor, what you have on your hands is a very vulnerable emotional mess. And if you aren't a stand up guy -- if you drop the ball in some way -- yup, I am absolutely going to sleep with some other man to get what I need that you aren't providing.

My history of marital infidelity had me convinced that if I got divorced, I would be incapable of saying "no" and I would sleep around with, like, EVERYONE and it would go very bad places. Much to my shock, the opposite has been true.

I have been celibate for nearly 12 years. Sometime during the first week in May will be the 12 year mark. Having gotten out of my dysfunctional marriage, it turns out I am incredibly talented at telling all men "Hells no." and just refusing to budge on that.

When life changes, we sometimes learn funny things about ourselves that fly in the face of everything we thought we knew about ourselves. The funny thing I learned is that if I am sleeping alone, I have no problem saying "no." It's only when I am already out of my shell and things are going sideways that I desperately need to find some other man as some kind of protector for what feels like my very survival.

Now that my crab shell is back in place, yeah, I pity the fool who wants to get me out of it. Good luck with that.

At the rate I am going, I may wind up celibate for the rest of my damn life. That sounds like a good reason to be crabby as hell.

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