The Big Day

So, today is the big day of the new moon that supposedly has the power to dramatically increase my income for the long haul or some shit. If you don't know what I am talking about, please see yesterday's post for the details on that.

I was not looking for ways to increase my income. I feel like shit. I hate god, life, the universe and everything. It is a shitastic day. We got lunch and are now broke.

I tripped across some comment on the internet suggesting plasma donation as a means to make some quick cash. I previously considered that and, for some reason, decided it would not fly. Maybe because my sons had no ID and we had no address at the time. I don't recall.

But, also, I am on the street to get well. Even if I could have passed the physical without lying, it would not have been ethical.

My sons and I are a lot healthier and we all have ID and an address now. So, maybe it would be a viable option now. I am not sure.

With being broke and having a headache, I wasted a lot of time looking stuff up on this. Sort of the same shit I do when reading astrology sites while feeling desperate, only probably quite a bit more deluded in terms of hoping it is something real while knowing it is probably crazeh talk.

It will probably never go anywhere. One of my sons practically faints whenever they draw blood. He is not a good candidate for selling plasma on a routine basis. I and the other son technically have a diagnosis of atypical CF, though I probably cannot prove that. We haven't seen a doctor in years and everyone thinks I am crazy and making stuff up.

It is possible I will soon be well enough that I could donate plasma, but I imagine the combination of my diagnosis, lack of proof for it and the fact-is-stranger-than-fiction detail that I am getting well when that is not supposed to be possible puts me in a no win situation. What are my options here? Tell the truth and be accused of making it up? Lie, if only to avoid the hassle of dealing with this BS, and now have a paper trail saying my claims online that I have CF are all lies?

Geez.

In case I haven't said it recently: god is an asshole. This is such bullshit.

I, no doubt, went down this stupid, pointless, time wasting rabbit hole  in part due to financial desperation, in part because Astrology Zone says today is like the single best day to improve my income long term. JFC.

This is the most pointless piece of shit life. I have figured out how to get well when that is supposed to be impossible. My reward: Poverty, contempt, no friends, and a dead end shitty life that will never go anywhere.

What kind of god wrote the rules for this crappy simulation in 4D? He's a hack. It's shite.

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