Hang Time

I am not immediately seeing any astrological events listed on either Astrology Zone nor Austin Coppock for today. I seem to be in something of an astrological dead zone. And it feels like a dead zone, like the fucking Doldrums where sailing ships would get stuck and die back in the day because of the utter lack of wind.

The most immediately relevant things seem to be Mercury turning direct on May 3rd and some stuff happening on May 9th, like the North and South Nodes changing signs and Mercury hitting exact conjunction again with Uranus. This conjunction started some days back, then Mercury retrograded away from it, and will soon be back again.

Mercury and Uranus are both strong influences in my life. As previously mentioned, I have a metric fuckton of astrological influences in both Gemini and Virgo. Both signs are ruled by Mercury.

In my natal chart, there is a bunch of stuff very close to exactly 11 degrees. This includes my Rising Sign in Aries, a Mercury-Jupiter conjunction in Gemini and Uranus in Virgo.

Uranus has other important ties to other parts of my chart. There are four items in Virgo and all of the near points converge at 17 degrees. They are opposed by Saturn in Pisces at roughly 17 degrees.

All this stuff at or near 17 degrees is another major theme in my chart. My Sun is at 16 degrees Gemini. My Neptune is at 18 degrees Scorpio.

Other than the north and south nodes, whose position I do not recall, this only leaves out my Venus at 1 degree of Cancer. Except, it is not left out at all. It quintiles the near point of Uranus and Pluto. My Pluto is at 14 degrees of Virgo, a loose conjunction with Uranus. This quintile is a major influence in my life.

In some ways, Uranus is the center of this giant storm of influences. It is electric. It can be violent and shocking. On a good day, it is brilliant. In fact, it is genius. On a bad day, it describes me shooting my mouth off and the huge reactions that sometimes gets, sometimes very much to my shock. I sometimes do not expect and cannot fathom why I get such strong negative reactions. I am not actually going for shock value (though I get accused of it). Jeez.

So, perhaps the big deal is this on going "conversation" between Mercury and Uranus, as Austin Coppock described it.

Well, whatever it is, I hate it. I hate today. I am sick of my shitastic life and the usual bullshit problems.

I don't see a way out. I am tired of trying to keep my chin up and bullshit like that. I don't know how to express my frustration with it. If I talk about my feeling that life is pointless and death is the only way out, some asshat will feel compelled to claim they care and stage some sort of bullshit "intervention" which would just piss me off, because, no, you people don't actually fucking care about me at all.

Inserting yourself in my life to deny me any way out is just more shitty behavior. If you actually gave a fuck, you would have done SOMETHING constructive and helpful a long damn time ago. It isn't like my dire poverty and incurable medical condition are some kind of fucking secret.

I have enough money for about a week. I am too fucking sick to work at the moment, so the odds are high that means taking out another fucking pay day loan to muddle through another fucking shitty month.

To my mind, that means being trapped here another fucking month until I get my alimony again. And pay the fucking pay day loan again. And feel shit on and screwed by life. Again.

No, seriously, I would rather be mauled to death by bear at this point.

But, I am all out of solutions and god is a shithead and the world is filled with nothing but shitty people or this would not be so fucking hard.

I don't know WTF to do. Being smart, competent, virtuous, whatever the fuck -- none of it fucking pays off. Because asshats run this world and they make sure that the 99 Percent are shafted, hopeless and trapped.

They are also retarded fools who don't understand how wealth works. Bleeding the masses -- instead of just skimming the cream -- tends to go bad places.

The world is being run by idiots.

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