Uranus: Expect the Unexpected

So, today is the big trine. I very suddenly decided to go to a hotel.

For me, this is sort of the equivalent of a hospital stay. In fact, when talking about hotel stays with my sons, I have a tendency to say stuff like "Our last hosp...hotel stay..." We joke that they are hospitels.

I am here because I am in crisis.

I have been wanting a shower for about three weeks and my nerves have been pretty frayed, in part because of my physical state and not being clean. Then, yesterday I went to Starbuck's. They did not have my usual sandwich in shop. I ordered something I have never had before, some kind of bacon, egg and cheddar croissant.

After eating it, I felt terrible. But more than that, I have been suicidal ever since.

I had some Reese's Cups last night and that helped. I feel less awful, but I still feel pretty bad. I had a mocha frap this morning with my usual sandwich: bacon, egg and gouda on ciabata bread. I threw up not long after.

At that point, I told my son "I have thrown up. I am suicidal. I need a change of clothes. I want to get a pay day loan, go to a hotel and get showered and changed."

My pay check this week is not enough to get me through the coming week, but it is enough to make me feel okay about taking a loan to get into a hotel tonight. So, we are at a hotel. My sons are off buying food, clothes, etc.

I feel horrible. Other than showering and changing and generally taking care of myself, I do not plan to do shit all. This stay is happening in order to keep me from trying to kill myself. I am going to take care of myself and that is all.

With showering and eating right, I should start to feel better today. I already feel less horrible than yesterday. But it may take several days to fully get over that sandwich, which I am never fucking buying again.

Also, the tablet is not playing very nice with the hotel WiFi either. It is possible that my WiFi connectivity problems of the past week are partly something going on with the tablet. Like I need this shit.

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