Showing posts from July, 2017

Sun Conjunct Mars

Okay, so, fine, maybe I had that backwards in my last post. What the hell do you want from a grumpy, chronically ill, desperately poor homeless person?

I was having my anxiety attack and getting nothing done around the time of the square. As we moved towards the Mercury-Uranus Trine, I began doing paid writing (Mercury) on the internet (Uranus). This went well both Monday evening and basically all day Tuesday. Thanks to that fact, I get to like eat and everything this weekend.

For today, Austin Coppock says: On July 26th (7/26 5:56 PM PDT) the Sun and Mars finally conjoin at 4 Leo. And then it goes on for many lyrical paragraphs about warrior like virtues and blah blah blah. My eyes were glazing over and I stopped reading.

For me, what I get out of that is that I'm tired due to fever. Mars rules muscles and stress on the planet is often involved in exhaustion. In fact, I have some Mars-Saturn-Pluto involvement in my natal chart that described the tendency for most of my…

An Opposition and a Trine

I hate my life, I hate it so fucking much. I don't want to do this anymore. God, why can't I just die?

That there is basically my internal mantra. I have no fucking clue why people see me as positive and upbeat. My internal monologue is not all happy, shiny.

According to Austin Coppock: On the 24th Venus opposes Saturn (7/24 7:53 AM PDT) while Mercury trines Uranus (7/24 9:32 AM PDT). That's today and I feel awful and I am getting a whole lot of nothing done -- I mean, unless you count wallowing in self pity. If we are going to count that, hey, I am getting tons of stuff done.

But I don't count that. It doesn't pay the bills.

I am having a seriously shitty day. I don't have enough money to make it through the week and I am not getting enough paid work done for that to somehow work out. I am also having terrible anxiety, which I am confident is really a somatopsychic thing. In other words, it is a physical symptom with psychological side effects. My hear…

Sun Square Uranus

According to Austin Coppock, the Sun apparently will Square Uranus this evening at: 7/20 5:25 PM PDT So, perhaps for once, the stars agree with my unhappy opinion of my crappy life. Squares are supposed to be a bad thing and I am not having a ton of fun today.

I am having a minor heart attack due to checking bank balances and what not. I just got a pay day loan on Monday and we have blown through a shocking amount of money in under 4 days.

I never get to have any fun. Shit.

And by "fun" I mean I never get to have a break from the constant financial stress.

My ex liked running up the credit cards. To him, a pay raise meant "Wheee! I can afford to service a higher debt load!" I fucking hated that so fucking much.

I thought I could put that behind me with divorcing him. But medical stuff, etc, ended up running up debts. I have been paying them down while homeless.

Still, it seems to never be enough to get me any kind of goddamn security or breathing room…

Venus Trine Jupiter

According to traditional astrology, Saturday was supposed to be all kinds of awesome sauce due to a trine. Big fat nope. It had its bright spots, but it certainly didn't involve a deluge of money like I was hoping for, goddamnit.

According to Austin Coppock: Tuesday the 18th sees Venus in Gemini complete a trine with Jupiter in Libra The site goes on to call it a happy angle between the two benefics Today is more pleasant so far than the last few days. This is partly because I sent my son to go buy us a change of clothes. Changing our clothes was drama that happened yesterday evening around the time of a square. Note, traditional astrology routinely vilifies squares as bad influences. They do tend to be high drama. This is not always a bad thing.

So I feel cleaner, and this is awesome, but I am short of sleep and, no, I have no yet been hit by a money truck. goddamnit.

Hey, universe! Where is my fucking money?

I want a goddamn house, so I need funds for, like, down…

Happy, Fun Times

The title is sarcasm, in case you can't tell.

Both Austin Coppock and Astrology Zone suggest that there is a positive aspect tomorrow that should already be influencing our lives. From Austin Coppock: The first happy aspect ... is Mercury in Leo’s sextile with Jupiter in Libra... on July 14th On the 11th, I hoped this aspect on the 14th would bring really good news because I got a small windfall of money that day, just in time to put off getting a pay day loan this week. But today the laptop has gotten irrevocably screwed up and will be going into a dumpster. My sons backed up a few files with a borrowed USB drive and are making plans to dispose of it as I type this.

On the upside, I would be far more stressed out by the laptop dying if we had already had to take a pay day loan this week. I may still need a pay day loan to get through the month, but I at least got this bad news after a smidgeon of good news.

On the downside, this will likely leave us all sick and I already…

Mercury Enters Leo

According to Austin Coppock, Mercury entered Leo yesterday evening, leaving behind Cancer. This is going to generally be a more comfortable position for Mercury and possibly for me.

I have one planet in Cancer. My Venus sits at one degree of Cancer. The strongest aspect to it is a Quintile from the Uranus-Pluto near midpoint in Virgo. Those two planets form a loose conjunction, only about three degrees apart. So it is a fairly strong aspect. The two planets basically work almost as one body, amplifying each other's energies and the aspect is pretty close to exact.

Quintiles are creative aspects, but they also are stress aspects. Septiles are creative, but much gentler. I have one of each in my chart.

Among other things, this quintile describes the sexual violence in my childhood. It is not a happy, fun experience.

My ex husband's Sun was conjunct my Venus. I don't regret the marriage and he kept me alive when, by all rights, I should have died, but it was always a dif…

July 3rd

So, I finally see an update for the whole month of July on Austin Coppock. It is actually dated June 30th, but I did not previously notice it. I am not clear if it is me or them.

I am still seeing nothing said about July third in specific, which is a bit worrisome. I need today to be eventful in a good way and I am very worried it won't be.

I finally heard from my ex. Long story short, my alimony should be hitting my bank account via electronic transfer instead of my son's bank account via cash deposit. So, maybe I will see it as early as today and maybe I won't see it until after the damn fourth of July banking holiday. AUUUGHHHH.

SOOOO. As I was writing this, I got another update from the ex. NO, the electronic transfer did not go through and he has deposited cash today to our son's account.

And the reason it did not go through? He is trying to deposit it to a bank I have not had an account with for over 2.5 years.

And this is why I handled the money when I …

Mars Opposite Pluto

For July 2nd, Austin Coppock has a section titled: Mars Opposite Pluto: Learning To Lose It then goes on to talk about Pluto as a symbol of death, which it is. But, wow, was this like a depressing fucking thing to read.

Pluto is also a symbol of rebirth. It is the Phoenix that dies in flames, only to be reborn again.

I still cannot get hold of my ex. I still don't have my alimony. And most of the world is happy to suggest that I am merely crazy and don't need practical help. Because talking to a psychologist when I can't afford to eat -- sure, that's such a great suggestion.

So, reading depressing astrological crap is not really helpful. It just makes me feel more hopeless.

I have taken what measures I can to contact the ex through the grapevine. It's not much, but it's something. It at least makes me feel less like a victim who can't do anything at all about the situation.

I at least need news concerning what the fuck is going on. Even if I…

July 1st, 2017 is starting out pretty crappily

So, I apparently blew through an excess of money the last two days. I got my paycheck and made a payment on my credit card to cover all that. Except it doesn't actually cover all that. It covers most of it.

And I don't have my alimony yet, though my ex said he would deposit it to our son's account in cash on the first and he is in Texas which is like 2 hours later than here or something. So, I am broke and my credit card is overdrawn. Fun.

Neither Austin Coppock nor Astrology Zone have July forecasts up yet. So I can't go conveniently checking the influences for today on those sites. I suppose I could go look for some other astrology site. Whatever.

My day is not starting out well. I am NOT a happy camper here.

Silver lining: A piece I submitted to Hacker News last night did a lot better than my submissions usually do. It is above 200 points currently. Also, some guy in some foreign country finds me very inspiring and would like to give me money -- if I can hel…