Happy, Fun Times

The title is sarcasm, in case you can't tell.

Both Austin Coppock and Astrology Zone suggest that there is a positive aspect tomorrow that should already be influencing our lives. From Austin Coppock:

The first happy aspect ... is Mercury in Leo’s sextile with Jupiter in Libra... on July 14th
On the 11th, I hoped this aspect on the 14th would bring really good news because I got a small windfall of money that day, just in time to put off getting a pay day loan this week. But today the laptop has gotten irrevocably screwed up and will be going into a dumpster. My sons backed up a few files with a borrowed USB drive and are making plans to dispose of it as I type this.

On the upside, I would be far more stressed out by the laptop dying if we had already had to take a pay day loan this week. I may still need a pay day loan to get through the month, but I at least got this bad news after a smidgeon of good news.

On the downside, this will likely leave us all sick and I already feel bad today. We determined some months ago that this computer had been exposed to a phone that had basically old, icky stuff in it that dated back to a time when we were much, much sicker. So we were hoping to get rid of this laptop, the tablet and the phone all at the same time some time this summer to make a clean break.

We were without a tablet for a few weeks, but then I bought a new one last week because we were going stir crazy. I have mixed feelings about the timing of the laptop dying. I don't feel buying the tablet was a mistake, but, ugh, why is this so hard? Why can't anything ever be simple, straight forward and easy.

So, my student loan is paid off and I have been looking forward for a long time to that event, but it is not turning out to be the kind of immediate relief I expected. If I can get through this month without a pay day loan, which looks unlikely, then the fact that there is no student loan payment will help cover a cheap replacement laptop.

I am trying to view this philosophical as a "Zeentchian Plot." That is likely misspelled. The name Zeentch probably really starts with Ts, not Z. It is a name of a God of Chaos from a game my sons have played at some point. Not long after we went homeless, we began joking that this God of Chaos was our patron god.

So, that is my way of saying that I am hoping this is a good thing, even though it doesn't look like a good thing at the moment. We do know we need to get rid of the laptop anyway at some point due to contamination, but this isn't at all how I thought it would happen and it isn't at all how I would like it to happen.

My life is getting easier, but the positive events always seem pretty anemic in comparison to the all the negative bullshit. I don't see why I can't have something positive on the order of "winning the lottery" to help balance out the amount of negative crap that is the negative version of that. My life seems like one train wreck after another, punctuated by being thrown enough crumbs to not outright die. I deeply resent it.

I wonder sometimes if I could murder god. This is such utter and complete bullshit. I want out of this shit and I am willing to accept death to get out of this shit. It doesn't even need to be a good thing happening, I just want out of this prison called My Life.

And to the endless assholes who inevitably think they can email me and massage my fee fees because I expressed suicidal sentiment: Go fuck yourselves. Don't fucking email me. I don't need yet one more asshole bleeding me emotionally so they can imagine they are some kind of nice person. You probably aren't a nice person and I have enough burdens. I don't need your shit. If it bothers you to read my bitch sessions, then stay the fuck off a blog called Astrology Bitch, you dumbass.

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